"There is always this one thing that no matter how hard you worked for, you can never get it right. No matter how much you try to improve, it never gets better. No matter how much you want to believe you can do, you end up in despair of your hopelessness. Regardless of all the effort that you've done to rise up, you always found yourself falling down. Regardless of the promise that everything happens for a reason, you faith unknowingly starts to wither."
Yeah I think Im falling down. And I dont know if I can even get up when the time comes. This is merely the first month of IUT and Im already drown. Jeancelme seems to hate me being slow - as if I love being one. With no one to talk to, no one to understand my situation nor to stand on the same ground as mine, with no one who can boost me up regardless my weaknesses, can I possibly live this life? ME, the one without confidence nor faith in myself is now stumbling down my own path. I try to get up, I try to be better. But that impression of me being a weakling can never leave the beholders eyes, and the image of the good-for-nothing person can never leave me alone in peace. As much as I feel haunted by the bad thoughts I know I should get rid off, I know that my heart knows me better. Yeah I cry out all loud within these four walls, and yeah nobody knows nobody gives a damn. I never want to regret what I didn't regret choosing, but still. I'm now in a world where nobody gives a damn if you work your ass off, all that matters is that you know and you do what they want. Do everything wisely, that's what a smart man do. And yeah such a piece of shit like me worth nothing of appreciation then? Yeah we work skipping meals skipping sleeps for the sake of being acknowledged, being approved as someone who's just as great as others. I'm now in a world where someone's who's willing to learn is not as important.
I'm now in a world where somebody like me means nothing.
