Reason 1 or 2?

Bila dah lama tak menulis pastu tetiba rasa nak mengupdate blog ni, antara dua je sebabnye. 1-Memang dah xde keje sangat sampai taktaw nak buat ape, 2-jiwa bergelora. Bhahaha bergelora gituu, haktuii. Takde la nak bergelora sangat pun jepp, saje je la. Bila dah sorang2 camni selalu la ko pikir benda ntah pape, jiwang sensorang, tak sedih pun rasa nak nangis, bila sedih tapi xmampu nak nangis.. macam macam la senang cite. Aku bukan ape, kat sini actually dah start stress la actually, tapi bukan dengan semua benda. Mostly aku still takde problem lagi nak follow ape aku belajar, cuma satu je benda yang selalu buat aku tension and menangis sorang2 sampai kadang2 aku dah tak taw macam mana aku nak go on. You know who I mean. It's him, EJ. Haa ko memang tak kenal, budak2 GMP IUT Aix-en-Provence je yang boleh kenal dia. Tapi still la, aku rasa kalau ada 100 orang yang kenal dia pun, maybe aku sorang je yang rasa sangat tension and kadang2 menyampah or benci kat dia. Frankly speaking, aku tak pernah rasa so underestimated, belittled before aku jumpa dia. Ya Allah nak cerita pun tak tahu macam mana. Apa aku buat semua tak kena. Apa effort aku buat tak pernah cukup. Dia membuatkan fakta yang dia tak suka aku tu jadi sangat obvious. SANGAT. Oh aku tak tahula dah berapa kali dia cakap dia nak pukul aku regardless the fact that he never hit a girl and me being one whatsoever. I mean like WTF? kalau ye pun geram sangat sampai rasa nak lempang aku tak perlu la jadikan aku ni PEREMPUAN as alasan kan. Kalau dengan lempang aku tu boleh buat ko hilang rasa menyampah and aku boleh follow ko punya classes without any disatisfaction then go on and do it. Raise yo hands up and do it. tak perlu nak ulang the same old phrase, the same old sarcasm again and again like I never get what you're trying to say. The part yang aku paling benci is that he makes me feel so outcasted, so useless in front of everyone. Sigh. Aku memang tak tahu ape solution utk masalah aku ni. Seems like there's none. Sekarang ni aku rasa dia macam aku punya biggest enemy. Seriously tiap2 kali aku fikir pasal dia mesti aku akan rasa some sort of vengeance. OMG aku taw aku tak patut rasa macam tu tapi what to do??? it's to the extent of I refuse to fail in everything so that dia tak boleh underestimate aku ever again. Yeah yeah sad life I know. Whatever done with this.

Another thing is, kenapa aku rasa macam lately, aku asyik imagine or hoping for the moment I meet my other half? Idk if I'm expecting for the real one or the temporary but it's just that I miss the feeling of being in love and being loved. I miss the feeling of being angry at someone for not replying my texts, the anxiety of waiting for a call/text, the jealousy, to cry over a fight, to sleep with a smile, well, you know how the list would be like if I continue. hehe whatever peeps. Seems like I need to wait for another 3 or 4 years to meet one, nah? Sigh.