No matter how much I think about it, I just can't get it. Why am I feeling so proud of my personality yet when I'm around another girls I'm feeling so.. useless? I start to hate myself when I'm not the only girl among the other people. I mean I'm confident with myself, with my attitude and with this bitch-face of mine whenever I'm around the people. I mean I don't give a damn even if they say things about my not-so-good behaviour and my bitchy attitude cursing; speaking with voice up; about everything- I just don't care. But whenever I'm not the only girl there, I always feel as if I'm suck. As if I'm being compared to the rest and I'll get mad at myself for not behaving like a lady. I NEVER felt like I need to change myself because of that but instead, I just keep hating myself. I hate losing my cool. I hate being seen as a girl. I hate those but why am I hating myself for not being what I'm not? I easily get jealous of other girls over little things. I mean how her smile and laughter seems so beautiful, how her actions seems so lovely and the way she talks seems so convincing. how her every action is amazing and how she looks good in whatever she wears. How she seems so pretty no matter what situation she's in or whatever time it is. I realize, I have none of these traits, like never have it. I am always the one who's never good enough. I am always someone who is boring and plain. A girl when there's only me and a boy when there's everybody.
No comments:
Post a Comment