6 days in Istanbul. It was an amazing journey. Especially to those who are really seeking for the answers about Uthmaniyyah. And I wasnt one of them. I was there for the sake of fun. Little did I know the me who was only thinking of having fun was intimidated when I met that someone.
Well lets talk about the city first. It's amazing how a place makes you feel belonged to a culture and religion. It's a feeling you can never have when visiting the other countries in Europe. It's kinda upsetting when the language became a barrier, but knowing we always have a body language in common, it's relieving.
Now let's talk about me. Always that kind of person I am, an empty soul-ed child whose heart is filled by ignorance. When everyone's leaving the country with a better self, I am always at the same place where I always am. Refuse to take a step further, but neither do I ever want to take a step back.
And him? Well this time the Him in question is a total opposite of that Him I once had in my life. And that's probably the reason why I don't want to think of it too much. Not because I'm afraid of rejection or heartbreak, but because I know it's impossible for a people of my kind to have a heart for a person that is so kind and pure like him. As a girl, me too have the fantasies of having someone like him. No scratch that. I'm confused now. I NEVER had fantasies about such kind-hearted, demure, religious and almost perfect person. All I ever fantasized about is me falling in love with a people of my kind. Or a bad boy turn good. See? That's why it scares me to even think about him in the first place. He cant get involved in my sinful mind+heart+love-game. He's way too innocent to be associated to my life. He's way too good for me. I am way too far from his level. Eventhough now that I feel like I want to have someone like that in my life so that I can take a step further, it's just impossible in the very first place, So that's how this is gonna end. This fantasy will stay as fantasy. I'm not gonna ask for more. Coz I'm already here, back to the person I used to be when he's going up higher every moment we breathe.
And as the trip is over, my heart and feelings will fade away too. Thanks for the beautiful 6-days in Istanbul.
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