Idk why am I feeling especially frustrated, heartbroken, disappointed and disenchanted tonight. Maybe because I've officially expressed my current heart condition to one of my bestie, so my feelings are getting more and more alive. but...
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Why do I have to feel this way? it's not that I didn't expect this to happen. I knew it all along, yet I decided to play the game. But who's the one that hurts the most right now? It's me. The poor me.
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That's it. There's nobody to blame actually, but I prefer blaming myself for hoping too much. That's my biggest problem. I expect too much. and expectations always kill me. I knew all along that having those sorta feelings again will just destroy myself. But why didn't I control myself? Why did I let myself drown in that feeling?
I know, I've been lonely for too long but still this isn't the time for me to end the loneliness. I should've stay that way. Yeah I feel no happiness but at least there's nothing for me to cry over. I really hate myself right now. Can I just get back to my old-self? The cold-hearted one??
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